The point is, fresh perspectives blossom after butt chugging a glass of Franzia and a half a pint of vodka. Deeper, too, than the enema's one-and-a-half inch, pre-lubricated nozzle that penetrated my interior sphincter. And not simply because I spent much of said evening flat on my back, glutes floating in midair, angling a booze-loaded enema bottle. Still, it does allow one to see the world from a different point of view. It is terrible, as I found out when I experimented with it the other evening. How could I not be intrigued by butt chugging? It seems like a terrible idea, sure, but young people have done many silly things that have brought joy to millions, like Facebook-could drinking through your ass be like Facebook? Turns out, no. I'm a straight man, too, and one who knows, unlike Xander, that it's totally not gay to put things up your butt. Surrounded by his lawyer and the entire UT chapter of Pi Kaps, Xander denied previously knowing anything about butt chugging, castigated the institutions accusing him of the act, promised retribution against the media outlets so fascinated with his story, and, through his lawyer, made it very clear that "he is a straight man and he thinks the idea… of butt chugging is absolutely repulsive." Except Xander then held an unintentionally(?) hilarious press conference.
The university subsequently suspended the frat's chapter, and that would have been the end of it. It's supposed to be an intense and near-instant buzz. You're basically short-circuiting the body's poison defenses by putting liquor in your ass. Butt chugging-in case you were blissfully unaware-allows the alcohol to bypass the liver's filtering and metabolic processes so that the ethanol drains straight into the bloodstream via veins to the vena cava. The latest round of anal-centric tittering occurred in late September when University of Tennessee Pi Kappa Alpha member Alexander "Xander" Broughton (yes, presumably pronounced "bro-ton") was treated for severe alcohol poisoning after "allegedly" butt chugging boxed wine (the proper bro-menclature, I believe, is "Tour de Franzia").
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